Finding Catharsis: a love story
As I anticipated, the first week of no screens was a transition. It felt more like a phase out and less so cold turkey. On Wednesday I moved the TV to storage, took the computer monitor to the office, and tried to limit my phone usage while at home. It wasn’t too bad for the first day—I read, listened to music, played music, etc. However, at the end of the night when I wanted to turn my brain off on the couch and zone out to mindless television I was not afforded that luxury. Instead, I hopped in bed around 9:30pm and fell asleep reading. If no TV means an early bed time, I expect to receive my AARP membership card soon. Are there subscription services for denture glue?
who watches the watchers?
In thinking about this lack of Netflix/HBO/Hulu in the evenings, I realized I was using them as a routine cathartic experience. There was no intentionality when I would perform the act of ‘watching’. Want to watch Netflix? Sure, I’m bored. Rarely is it “I want to watch X show and be engaged throughout the episode.” As the paradox of choice has been bolstered with the number of streaming services available, ‘watching’ has become less demanding, less attention grabbing—around 54 million people actively used a second screen while watching TV in 2018. I found that being bored or better yet, knowing I needed to do something such as clean the kitchen, get started on a project, or call my Grandma could all be solved by throwing on an episode of Chef’s Table. I wasn’t watching because I wanted to. I was watching because I wanted to escape from boredom or responsibility, to dim the lights upstairs and let everything operate at about 40% for a while.
This same escape can absolutely be found in a book. I read to fill transit time on trips. I read to calm down after a long day. I read to put off thinking of hard things. I’ve been so engrossed in a book that plans for the day have gone out the window. While reading The Stand, I read for hours while sitting indian style on the floor. When I tried to stand my leg was so asleep that my brain believed it to be missing. In contrast to my usual TV routine, I am actively engaged in the act of reading as opposed to watching. However, there are times when I also ‘watch’ while reading. This occurs when my mind is elsewhere and I realize three pages later that I have no idea what is going on. Then I have to flip back and reread. But, in contrast to Netflix et.al., there is always intentionality with reading. If I am going to read it is always a specific book with some form of goal in mind: learning, entertainment, to just finish the damn thing, etc. This in itself can sometimes prevent me from reading as it can feel like a task to take on. There is something in the listless viewing of television that provides a unique catharsis that I (as of yet) can’t find in books.
Feng shui
Something I was unprepared for was the furniture arrangement affecting my mood while at home. I had replaced the TV with my amplifier, but sitting on my couch or reading chair made me anxious. A handful of times I would look up expecting to see the TV. My attention span was shorter when I was reading or completing a task. It dawned on me that everything was centered around the focal point of the room, the alter which until now had vaulted the sacred black mirror. Immediately I rearranged my apartment. This proved a wise decision. On Friday, I hosted a few friends for drinks and instead of sitting on the couch staring into a blank screen while talking & listening to music, we sat in the lounge area then migrated to the table to play cards. It was much more memorable than having a mindless television show run in the background of a conversation.
You should really get out more
I like to think I’m not a hermit, but I do enjoy cozying up at home as a way to recharge. A goal of mine with this project was to get out more. Whether it is exploring Austin, staying later at the office, spending time at friend’s places, or traveling I wanted to not retreat home as frequently. A piece of this has grown into an unexpectedly larger portion than I’d initially imagined—transit time. If I am going someplace that is within a 45 minute walk, I will always opt to take the heel-toe express now. It’s been fun to see parts of the city I hadn’t, getting some exercise, and spending time outside. In addition, all the TV shows I was currently watching I now must do so with someone else & somewhere else.
Next
This week should bring me to the normalization phase. I’m thinking the combination of factors I’ve listed above will all coalesce nicely and the adjustment won’t be as marked this week. I’ve got my nights planned through Friday so that should help the boredom & uncertainty that usually hits when getting home from work. Tuesday is bingo at the best brewery in Austin aka Zilker Brewing. Wednesday is Dungeons and Dragons. Thursday I’m hosting a table top game night and dinner. Friday is for the birds as of now. Hopefully I can finish up book three in the Dark Tower series in between it all.